Communication and the Jell-O Dilemma
Communication is one of the largest hurdles we all face in every relationship. We struggle with our partners, children, and teams in our day-to-day interactions. We think we have been clear but sometimes when we see the results, we suddenly realize that it is as if we are speaking two different languages.
As a leader of a team and also someone who trains people to have better communication it is important to be reminded of how we all sometimes completely fail at communication in various parts of our life. Here is a very clear example of one of my communication failures recently.
7:20 a.m. February 8
My toddler son is loaded into the jogging stroller and my ten-year-old daughter has her backpack jammed underneath ready for the quick walk to school. We chat on the way to school about the white elephant gift she is going to need for Friday.
7:50 a.m. February 8
I am walking out of the pre-school and the teacher reminds me to sign up to bring something for my son’s Valentine’s celebration on Friday. I sign up for Jell-O cups thinking that will be quick and easy with our schedule this week. I quickly add Jell-O to a shared calendar for Thursday so that it is ready to go Friday morning. Mistake #1 has already occurred…
1:20 p.m. February 11
My husband sees the note on the calendar and sends me a message that he picked up Jell-O. I thank him as my day has gone sideways and I am relieved that I don’t need to run out and grab anything this afternoon.
7:30 p.m. February 11
We get home and we are busy preparing tacos for dinner. My husband unloads the groceries
and he has 4 boxes of powdered Jell-O. I realize that I had only written Jell-O on the list, not Jell-O cups. He did exactly what I asked and picked up Jell-O but not the individual cups. I told him that I totally skipped that detail. We both laugh and I offer to make the Jell-O but he says he will just run to the grocery store once the kids are in bed.
8:00 p.m. February 11
Mistake #2 in the making - Our daughter is brushing her wet hair and my son is jumping on the bed as I am trying to get him dressed. My daughter tells me that she told Dad that there are 32 kids in her class but she doesn’t know why he is picking up Jell-O for her class. I realize that he thinks it is for her class and not the pre-school. I call out to him and clarify that it is for our son’s class of 12 not the fourth grade class of 32. He runs out to the grocery store and I get the kids down and go to bed.
5:10 a.m. February 12
I am grabbing milk out of the refrigerator and I notice the grocery bag of Jell-O. The Jell-O comes in a 4 pack and the bag is really full. I look in the bag and count 8 packs of 4 and I’m confused as to why we have 32 cups of Jell-O – mistake #3.
6:30 a.m. February 12
My husband comes out to the kitchen and I ask him why we have so much Jell-O. He says he only picked up 16 cups not 32. Then he realizes that he was really tired and didn’t know there were 4 cups to a container, he thought there were only 2. He had just hurriedly grabbed them off the shelf without checking that he’d bought the right amount. We both laugh realizing that this is a classic disaster of leaving out key pieces of information and missing details on both sides of our communication. So where does the Jell-O disaster show up for you? Is it when you are moving too fast and feel like you have been clear when ultimately some of the information stayed in your head? I realize that people want to deliver what I am asking for but when I am unclear or leave out vital pieces of information, they are missing key pieces to the puzzle. The busier and more distracted we are the less likely we are to be on the same page or take the time to clarify exactly what we need and what we need it for.
It is a good practice to look back and review what your part in the breakdown was and to take responsibility for that. It shows that you can learn to improve and it helps build awareness that this happens even in small interactions.
Remember to slow down and encourage questions it allows the space for someone to let you know how they are translating your request.
May your week be filled with less Jell-O.